Friday, September 21, 2012

I am a Wallflower

I am not afraid to broadcast to the world that I am a wallflower - or at least I used to be. Some of my friends might disagree on that one because most of them have always perceived me to be confident and self-assured  - but definitely not condescending.

I would never admit before that I am a wallflower. I actually thought that I wasn't because I was the kid who always gets attention. A grew up as a kid who always had confidence. A lot of people thought I was a pretty child simply because I have fair skin, I have a pair of golden brown eyes, and  I have curly dark brown hair. Many adults would even say I look like a doll. Others would exclaim I look like a princess. So I believed them. I felt pretty. I felt like a princess. I felt invincible (or infinite, as Stephen Chbosky would put it). But that very ideal became my undoing. (Just a disclaimer: I am not saying that I am pretty. I am saying what people said to me because where I live, people are mostly tanned so when you have fair skin they instantly think you're pretty).
 

I might sound very superficial but the attention people gave me made me feel alive. Just like Augustus Waters, I was always afraid of human oblivion. I want to make a mark in this world; I want to become a legend; I want to be remembered. And people remember me because they thought I was pretty. And this is why it made me feel alive. I lived my life.

I thought I was innately pretty and attention will always come easy for me that I lost the will to take care of myself. I became the kid people sometimes made fun of because of my kinky hair. I was the kid others joked about because of my petite frame. I was the kid boys would never notice if it weren't for my good grades. I thought I was living the doll dream that I wanted but suddenly it slipped away from my fingers. I thought I can get any attention that I want because people gave me that too easily before. But then I realized, things can change so drastically you wouldn't even notice them. Suddenly, I was sinking at the bottom and everything seemed like a lucid dream.

Because people don't really bother about me anymore, I made it a point to always get good grades. I liked getting good grades because people gave me the attention they once endowed me with. People come up to me to ask about homework, projects, upcoming exams and slowly I was regaining the confidence I had lost along the way. Also, by getting good grades, not only do I make myself happy, it also made my parents happy. It also opened up a lot of opportunities for me in the end which I will forever be thankful for. My teachers were proud of me because I was among the few good students that they had (I was not in the top section of my batch for most of my school years. Most students who don't belong to the top class are always known to be the deviant kind and I am proud to not be among those). My grades were my coping mechanism to slowly develop the confidence and self-assurance I had lost somewhere while growing up.

Boater Hat: Peaches on Top | Top: Capital Vice | Shorts: SM. Department Store
Shoes: S.O. Fab! | Lunchbox: Harajuku Lovers
It was getting good grades that also made me a wallflower. Though I claim to be confident enough and assured about myself, it wasn't enough to make me feel alive. Presence is important and looking back, I was absent to most people. As Sam told Charlie, I am not quoting because I can't remember the exact line but it went something like: being alive is more important than being present. Even if I had a few acquaintances, I developed only quite a few friendships that lasted. I have very few friends from my High School and Elementary who I can attest really know me and have known me. Most of them were my friends for the moment but we bore no deep relationship that could have lasted for years. I was never present to most of those people. I was mostly absent. I was too consumed and focused about getting good grades so i can get in the uni of my dreams (which I did by the way. One of the many things I am thankful for getting good grades) that being alive and present to people was never of my concern. Looking back, I wish I could have been more alive all those years. But then again, I may not have entered my dream uni and met all the amazing people and friends I made there. As they say, you win some, you lose some and I would never pass up the chance to lose the good friends I made in college.

I've stopped being a wallflower when I entered college. I guess I can attribute that to the wonderful people who were always there with me along the way. People who helped me discover my true identity and people who struggled with me; people who never judged me and never demanded anything in return from me; these are the people who I believe are my real friends and people who made me feel alive.

How to Avoid Becoming a Wallflower:

  1. Get to know yourself more. It is important that you develop a good grasp of your true identity, what you want in life, and what you want to become. This will help you decide on how you should live your life and become alive in this world. The decisions we make and the actions that we take is what makes us all alive.
  2. Find a few good friends. It doesn't matter how many friends you make. What matters is the quality of friendship that you create. A few good friends will help you discover the world and make you realize a lot of things in life. You become alive in this world with them.
  3. Develop a good relationship with your family. I am one of the many believers that family will always be your best friends no matter what happens. A good relationship with the family always helps a child mold his identity and personality. 
  4. Dream BIG! I also believe that dreaming is one of the many things why people become alive. Because we want to live that dream we strive hard to achieve it and so we start doing everything we can to live that dream and become alive.
If you read my "Who is TPLG?" page, I said there that I dream and want for a lot of things but this is the happiest I have ever been. I can never reiterate that more.

How timely that I wrote this article just when Perks of Being a Wallflower is about to hit the theaters! I have been waiting for such a long time for this movie to come out and finally, it's coming out next week! I can't wait!!! See, I've ended my sentences in exclamation points! That is just how ecstatic I am!

Have a lovely weekend ahead of y'all! :)

37 comments :

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks S! They're my favorite colors as of lately.

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  2. Love those shorts, thanks for stopping by my blog, followed you back;)
    http://shana-style.blogspot.com

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  3. You are very lovely <3
    I'm your 231 follower, if you like my blog I'm waiting for you!
    Xxx

    Carolina

    www.the-world-c.blogspot.com + GIVEAWAY

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    1. Thank you! You are lovely, too! And I just followed you back...:)

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  4. OMG. I love your wedges! Really cute! :)
    Great blog too, you have amazing style :)
    Would you like to follow each other? Please let me know :)

    http://gamesoffashion.blogspot.com/

    xoxo, Press

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    1. Thank you so much! I already followed you.

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  5. you look so adorable Jenn!
    and I love this post, i love
    the way you write.
    am also waiting to see that movie. :)

    http://smallfrequentdressing.blogspot.com/

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    Replies
    1. thanks roxanne! Just saw the movie yesterday! I liked it. :) and thank you for reading. :)

      Jenn
      The Pink Lemonade Girl

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  6. You look so cute =)

    http://maramasplace.blogspot.com/

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  7. you look so charming! I love the hat!
    xo,
    nancy

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  8. such a girly outfit =D i love your style. am a new follower here. would you mind to follow my blog too?

    http://sittieinthecity.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. thank you, sittie! I already followed you a long time ago. :)

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  9. oh, wow... thaat's so cute! i like the short so much!

    It’s a GIRL Thing

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  10. amazing candy pink shoes and great t-shirt! I'm a new follower!
    Don't forget to visit my blog too!

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    1. Thanks dear! I also followed you, great blog you have there. :)

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  11. I really love the outfit, the colours are gorgeous together! The blouse is so sweet! You have to interact and be the person you are, the person you are most comfortable with being :)

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    1. thank you besie! :)

      I do agree! interact and participate without losing a good grasp of who you are. great insight! :)

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  12. Such a cool wedges!
    Have a great week!
    http://robertascoolestplaces.blogspot.com

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  13. Lovely outfit, you are adorable :)

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  14. you are so sweeet jenn! :)
    what do you think about following each other? :) please check out my blog and let me know :)

    much love,
    http://thefrench-fries.blogspot.pt/

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    Replies
    1. thanks a lot, carolina! already followed you. :)

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  15. You are so beautiful! Amazing pink skirt, I love it! You have a pretty style! If you get a second, I'd love to hear your thoughts about my latest outfit :)

    http://mademoiselle-s-blog.blogspot.fr/

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    Replies
    1. thank you so much for your lovely comment. Visited your blog and I really liked it! :)

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  16. Cute blog!! I love the colors in this outfit! Xo
    megthecoolgirl.blogspot.com

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