I have a confession: I am a pessimist.
People have told me before that I am good at encouraging and giving advice. Unfortunately, I can't seem to do the same for myself. I always tell people to look on the bright side. I always tell them to never give up. However, as much as I want to tell myself the same thing, I can never seem to let go of my pessimistic side. I always tend to see the worst in everything. I am always scared of so many unnecessary things. Sometimes being a pessimist can be a good thing. But most of the time, it hinders you from living a great life.
When people come to me in search for some kind words or advice of some sort, I always tell them things that are positive. Heck, I could be a great guidance counselor! But as they say, those who give the best advice are usually those who can't even help them selves. True, in my case. There are times when I just feel really lost and I frequently think of the worst case scenario. I like to encourage people and give them comforting words but I can't seem to give that to myself. I become the pessimist I try so hard to hide from other people when it comes to things that has to do with me and my future. I am paranoid that bad things will happen to me if I go home really late. I always think that I will lose all the good things that I have right now and that my life will eventually turn sour.
I partly blame this paranoia to media. I mean, with all the bad things you see and hear on the news, how can you not be scared? But other than that, it is mostly myself who I should blame. I have always been very vulnerable when it comes to my emotions. I also tend to hold on to things so much that I hate it when it suddenly disappears. I don't like the feeling of getting left behind. In a gist, I am a very emotional person. Try as I might to show my strong and dauntless side, at the end of the day, I am still that fragile girl who needs to be protected and who wants to be cared for.
I have always said on this blog that I am a sheltered child. I have always had my parents, my friends, and our house helpers to look out on me. I have always received much love and care from the people around me. This is why I get too attached to people that more often than not, when I separate from them, I suffer from separation anxiety (I don't publicly show that I am sad, though. I do it when I am alone in my room). Being protected and always showered with love and care, I became too emotional. There are overflowing emotions around me. I am too used to these emotions that when I suddenly had to live on my own and face the reality of life alone that I became wary and scared. There's no one to protect me now and no one to gracefully give me all the love, care, and protection that I need. I am on my own.
Living alone has its perks and drawbacks. It teaches you how to be independent and be strong but at the same time, it teaches you how to be a pessimist. Because you are on your own now, you have to expect the worst of everything so you are prepared. You have to carefully protect and guard your possessions to avoid losing them. You have to be distrustful of people because you never know when they will take advantage of you. Sometimes, it is nice to be on your own because it teaches you so many great things about life. But at the same time, you have to be careful not to lose your sanity and become the ultimate pessimist (or worse, paranoid).
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Little by little, I am trying my best to change. Despite the misfortune we experience and despite the perils that await you, I try to think that the world is still a great place to live in. Seeing everything half empty will only hinder me from achieving the great things that I want for my life. I guess it is just a matter of faith in God that he will give you the best of this life - in due time.
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