Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Monster Attitude

Top and Undershirt: Forever 21 | Skirt: Stradivarius | Scarf: Thrifted
Hat: Peaches on Top | Lunchbox: Harajuku Lovers | Socks: H&M | Boots: from Korea

Lately I find myself feeling guilty and embarrassed. I’ve become a monster. I wasn’t like this before and I am starting to think where I went wrong for me to become like this. I am grumpy all the time. I shout at people. I curse. I’ve become a person who starts a fight for no reason at all. I step on people. I’ve turned into a monster. But my problem is, even if I try to be more positive and push myself to have a happier disposition, I seem to fail. I can’t do it. The littlest things irritate me. I find fault in just about everything. I feel like I am the only person who does things right and everyone around me is useless. I don’t know why but I’ve become a person who I never imagined I will become. I’ve become a person who I never wanted to be. Now I start to wonder, how did I end up becoming like this? What did other people do to make me behave like a monster? Why did I allow myself to become like this? I am not happy at all – definitely.


I am the type of person who some people find easy to get along with because I am born to be pleaser. I want everyone around me to like me. I don’t want to hear anything negative about me. I want people to be happy when I am around. So then, why did I allow myself to become a monster? Answer is: I don’t know. Yes, I am stressed at work and sometimes the pressure is just too much for me to handle. But this is the work I chose and I couldn’t think of me doing any other work at the moment. Yes, there are so many things going on around me and sometimes it’s just too difficult to keep up. But that is part of life and everyone experiences something like that at one point. Yes, I have too much on my plate right now but this is life. It happens. Yes, I sometimes feel under compensated and undervalued but I am only at the beginning. I believe that if I show more to everyone what I am capable of I will eventually reach my goals. I believe that if I just do my best and go the extra mile people will finally see my worth and recognize my efforts that everything I spent will come back to me ten times more. See I know these things but I guess I lost my way and ended up on the wrong path. This is not the attitude and temperament I want for myself. I am a calm, happy, and sweet (as my former boss has described me) person. I don’t have a bad attitude. I am not a monster.

I want to apologize to all the people I’ve talked to these past few days who I scolded, said mean things to, and became bitchy to. If only I get to meet these people again, I will apologize to them face to face (if I can remember their faces). I really feel guilt for being like this and this is not how I am supposed to be. I don’t want this kind of bad disposition. I want to go back to being me.

I believe that tomorrows are always good beginnings and there is always another chance for us to find the right track. I chose where I am now so I can’t allow it to destroy who I am and who I want to be. I can only use this chance to improve myself in order to reach my goals. I will stop whining and forget all the negativity around me. I will calm myself down and think of happy thoughts. I will only invite the good and repel all evil. I will regain myself and become better at what I do.

This is a true story.


Top and Undershirt: Forever 21 | Skirt: Stradivarius | Scarf: Thrifted
Hat: Peaches on Top | Lunchbox: Harajuku Lovers | Socks: H&M | Boots: from Korea



7 comments :

  1. Fantastic post dear! Hope you have a lovely day.

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  2. Wonderful look kiss

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  3. what a great look! love how you accessorized this outfit!

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  4. We all have bad moods/phases/days etc. The fact that you're aware you went through one is half of the battle. Only truly bad people never become aware of how they are....good people are humble and admit to mistakes and you sound like a good person! Also...amazing outfit! There isn't one piece that I don't love! XO
    Lauren-Blair
    www.prefertobedemure.com

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